Better Mental Health.net
. . . Because You Can Feel Better

When Anxiety & Emotions Lead to Self Harm

Beliefs create thoughts which create feelings which create urges.  Thoughts can be intensely ugly, the feelings incredibly painful and unresponded to and the resulting urges overwhelming. Usually the idea of creating pain is all about distraction from the emotional pain.  While it can sometimes work in the short run, the resulting injury makes things worse.

Think about this scenario for a moment.  Someone believes that their mother does not really care about them.  This might be easy for them to conclude because they have grown up being criticized, dismissed and left alone.  While this might not be the complete truth, if it is their own personal truth and all that matters.  Of course this has beaten down their self worth over the years and unsurprisingly since their mother did not help them learn to regulate their own emotions, when this person starts to feel emotions it is quite scary - a slippery slope that leads to free fall. They do not intrinsically know that they will be alright - that the emotions will ease and the pain will end.

So now when this person experiences a moment that we all  might have, such as having someone be upset with us or be negative, the intense feelings come and there is no ability to self regulate, self soothe, hold on to one's self, or dissipate those emotions with someone else.  They do not want to feel emotions as they are confusing and do not lead to relief.  This, along with self loathing, can lead to someone seeking physical pain. The pain distracts them from the emotional pain, the physical pain is controllable and makes sense. Ask someone who engages in this and often they will say, it works.  Unfortunately besides the risk of physical injury and whatever consequences that may bring, later the person's inner critic will often berate them for what they did and make them feel even worse. This feeds the pain of low self worth creating a downward spiral.

I realize this is but one scenario, however I hope you will see the basic idea that when emotions come, if one does not have the tools to self soothe, if one feels unworthy inside and there is no one there to help, the waves of emotions become waves of pain without end.  It is not simply that they are sad or scared, it feels as though the world will end in agony.

How can one change this scenario?

The simplest definition of addiction is something someone cannot stop.  The truth is that like any addiction, when certain thoughts and/or feelings are encountered our brain triggers other thoughts and feelings that are associated with the first thought.  When those thoughts and feelings are painful and the person looks for something to soothe and comfort, but starts to chose something other than self harm, that brain association is interrupted.  A new association that connects those original thoughts and feelings to the new association takes time to strengthen, but it eventually works because that is how the human brain works.  Sure, it is not always easy, but it is very doable if someone wants to do put in that effort.

And guess what?  The ideas surrounding low self worth, inability to self soothe and even the pain of feeling unloved can all be healed in time, but only if someone is willing. Our beliefs, thoughts and feelings make up our world.  When we question our beliefs, accept new possibilities and when we change our thoughts, we change our emotions, we change how our body feels and we change what our potential and our outcome in life.

Here is an article on self harm at selfhelp.org

Here is another one at WebMD.com

If you need help now, call the King County Crisis Line at 206-461-3222 or 866-427-4747